I don't remember what it feels like to be happy. It's been so long since I've felt it. I don't know what "having fun" is. I try to be more social and do things, but that doesn't make me happy. When I'm doing something I used to love I think about how easy it used to be to be happy. Now, happiness seems impossible. Sure I have calm moments, I can smile, sometimes even laugh. But it doesn't last long. A few seconds of numbness from the pain is all it is.
I miss my girl. I want to hold her one more time.